A rare photograph of a poodle groomed to be the key camel in the remake of the film, “lawrence of Arabia” I made that part up.
The Golden Retriever Principle of Unidirectionality
Say what? Yes, we Golden Retrievers and dogs in general follow this principle. It’s like existential kibble to us. Don’t think for a moment, humans, that you are the only ones with principles. How many canine brothers and sisters out there, circle your human’s car before you jump in to go for a ride? Yeah. And you always circle in the one direction. Maybe some of you get a little too excited about riding in the car and getting a treat from the nice lady at the drive-up window of the bank. That’s understandable. Hey, when you circle, looking for snakes before lying down to take a nap, you usually do it in one direction, do you not? I’m going out on a limb here and suggest that all life is unidirectional. We’re heading for the big sleep; we have a one-way ticket to ride.
Poodle Doodling
Mind you, that’s at the individual level. A species can go off in multiple directions. Look at what those dog breeders do! That poodle breed is pretty lascivious, don’t you think? Those mindless, money-hungry dog breeders, who would rather raise dogs than go get a day job, are mixing poodles with just about everything. Now Golden Retrievers are in the mix; labradors, pit bulls….I knew a pit bull once. Very sad story. There are so many mixes with collies, boxers, chihuahuas, St. Bernards, Basset Hounds. Yes, even Basset Hounds! They’re all pretty ugly, I’m sorry to say. Except the Jack Russell Terrier and Poodle mix: the Jack-A-Poo. Is he cute or what?
Just to give you some perspective, here’s a sad looking mix of the Toy Fox Terrier and a poodle. It’s called a Foodle. Talk about a bad hair day.
Why are they doing this to our fellow canines? Because they can. Because crossing different types of peas was so done by that monk, Mendel. I think humans need to ban this kind of crap. Do you know how many dogs and cats are homeless? Many of them sit on death row waiting for the blue juice or maybe being gassed, like the Nazis did to the Jews. We’ve got ourselves a Holocaust, boys and girls. It’s time to put an end to unnecessary breeding of dogs and cats.
Cats don’t fetch no balls
Hey. Let’s talk about cats. They don’t follow the Golden Retriever Principle of Unidirectionality. Anyone ever see a cat walk in a straight line? Okay, so they have something like nine lives but I’m not sure that isn’t some old wives’ tale told out on the veranda while sipping a little elderberry wine. Cats like warm and cozy spots for napping. I knew a cat that slept on top of the fridge and another on the top shelf of a closet. Feline fantasies–I’ve had a few, Anyone else out there dream about cats doing naughty things? No. Well it’s just me. I lost my cat buddy last year. What is the point of all this stream of consciousness coming out of my canine mouth? The feline brain is way different than the canine brain. They don’t aim to please. They don’t fetch, generally, and they decide if they want to return and play some more, which is not in their thoughts at all. But, they’re great for cuddling. We’re going to talk more about cats later.
Let’s talk turkey. There are a lot of dogs and cats in shelters. They need homes and you have one. Adopt a homeless pet today and get a friend for life. And you seniors out their. Yes, you senior humans. Old dogs and cats need homes, too. Come on, adopt a dog or cat today.
the sTALKING dog 